The Paralysis of Being Taken Out of Context

The Paralysis of Being Taken Out of Context

Last post, I talked about some of the struggles of creating. I think this one will be about a few more thoughts on that with the intent to work through some of them and just generally relax on all of it. Just because the pressure to create or post feels real doesn't mean that I should  feel this way. The emotions exist because I feel them, but recognizing what they're from and why they exist allows me to recognize that the pressure is not necessarily real nor necessary to feel. It's not some universal pressure that exists no matter what I do, it exists in my mind and it doesn't have to be that way. Reiterating for myself: Just because I feel pressure doesn't mean I necessarily have to or should (if only this logic permeated my emotions and let me change how I feel all the time, but it's not so simple obviously and sitting in the emotion helps).

I think something that stresses me out in the creating realm is this thought of being taken out of context. I wrote in the last post how I feel like I can hide behind my book. In some ways, this doesn't make any sense because it's the most vulnerable thing I've ever created. But if the stressor is being taken out of context, this makes sense because the book is the exact opposite of that. It's 60,000 words of perspectives and context.

I've written before about my understanding of my finite existence and insignificance and how that leads to emotional freedom in my life, but even despite this, when it comes to creating something for other people to consume, especially when it involves my face or something intimately close to the current moments in my life, it feels difficult.

If you've ever hung out with me I always say "long story short" then proceed to tell a generally long, compared to average, story. But I always say, this is the short story, you should hear the long one haha. I think I only speak in long stories because I can provide context.

I struggle with providing or giving a thought, perspective, belief, preference, opinion, etc. without lots of context. It's like I want the person I'm talking to know that, regardless of if they agree with what I say or if they change my mind, that I put a lot of thought into it and it's not something I just carry without any reason. I  guess I want the person I'm talking to to at least know that I was intentional in this thought, perspective, or belief.

Why do I care about that though? I think I care about that so much because it's something I wonder and think about often interacting with people in my life. For a really long time, until I was about 22 years old, I held a lot of opinions and beliefs that I didn't necessarily know that I carried without any intentionality or substantial reasoning. They were just 'facts' of my existence.

I went to Germany after college for work and met an incredible group of friends. Alex, one of my best friends on the planet now, tore apart just about everything I said. It felt like just about any statement I said got questioned and I realized I didn't actually have reasons why I felt strongly about certain things other than because of how I grew up or that the thoughts and opinions I carried were just prevalent in the culture where I grew up.

So I spent years with Alex, and on my own, disassembling and critically thinking about the perspectives, thoughts, opinions, and biases in my life. I don't think it's possible to recognize and work on every bias we have because our subconscious works in mysterious ways, but we can be generally intentional about the thoughts and perspectives we carry.

Once again, in probably way too many words all I wanted to say was that I'm intentional, or at least try to be, about what rolls around in my head. And I wonder if people I talk to do the same and because of this I want to provide that context in case they were wondering. I don't want to come across as a talking head and you respond, "What does this guy know about that? Has he even thought about it?" And if you knew me I'd say I don't know anything. That's the only consistent thing that I continually stumble upon, the more you learn, the more you realize you don't know anything.

Soooooooooo I need to chill out.

I like my book because the thoughts and perspectives are sandwiched between 60,000 words so the reader has the context. I need to try to provide less context pretty much everywhere in my life and be comfortable with it. Or be more comfortable with the thought that someone might not completely understand why I say something. I know I thought a lot about it, but why should I have to make sure everyone else knows too?

So I think the fear of posting I feel is the feeling that there isn't time for a lot of context, so there's room to be misunderstood. My love language is feeling like I'm being understood (not one of the traditional ones I know haha)... I guess it makes sense I feel this way about posting stuff because it increases the probability I could be misunderstood. But who really cares I guess? I'll do my best with it and hopefully, it works out. And the flip side is posting opens the door to actually being understood by more people than just the people in my close sphere. I guess that's a positive and I only realized that in this moment writing this. That's cool🙂 and as always a reason I love writing.

I guess this blog post was more for me than anyone else...  but I hope you got something out of it too.

Do you struggle with perceptions of yourself? Are you intentional about trying to see through your own personal biases? Is being understood your love language? Are you afraid of being misunderstood and taken out of context?

See you in two weeks.
'til our last breath,


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The Paralysis of Being Taken Out of Context

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